Having just returned from my first trip outside of Texas in almost two years, you would think I’d have a ton of stuff to hate on — stupid people at the airport, being packed into an airplane like a sardine, dirty hotel rooms, over-priced food, delays, traffic, etc. — but this was actually one of the most pleasant trips I’ve ever taken and included no major snags or annoyances. However, there is one thing that has bugged me every time I’ve been to Vegas and it continued to annoy the crap out of the me this time. What is that you ask? People who bring their kids, sometimes infants, to Las Vegas for a vacation.

Back in the mid- to late-1990’s, Las Vegas briefly attempted to rebrand itself as a family vacation spot. Hotels built huge pools with fancy water slides and “lazy river” features. Shows were geared towards families and hotels with kid-friendly themes popped up all over town. Families flocked to Vegas for a couple of years, but locals and high-rollers started to complain about how the place had changed, the economy tanked, and a new marketing campaign was launched. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past five years or so, you’ve seen the “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” ads all over TV. Apparently, many under-the-rock dwellers didn’t see that ad and continue to take their kids to Vegas for a little family fun. I thought the family-friendly stuff was a little dubious to begin with, but now that the city has done a complete 180 it has to returned to it’s rightful place as a very adult travel destination.

Despite the guys handing out cards for hookers, the trucks with pictures and ads for escort servies (”Hot Babes”), the larger than life image of a half-naked Toni Braxton on the side of the Flamingo Hotel, the drunk assholes walking the streets at all hours, the incessant smoking, free-flowing booze, and, of course, gambling, I still saw countless people walking the streets and casino floors at midnight with infants in strollers and miserable looking small children in tow. What makes this even more perplexing is that Vegas is no longer a cheap vacation spot. Sure, if you’re way off the Strip or out in Henderson, you can still get a cheap room and $4.99 buffet, but the Strip now caters almost exclusively to a high-end clientèle, or at least to those with lots of expendable income. For what we spent on a long weekend in Vegas, a family of four could have gone to Disney World for four days! It pisses me off when I read travel message boards and I see people asking about “child friendly” hotels in Las Vegas. There are none! There is no place in Vegas that is appropriate for a child. These parents need to stop being so freaking selfish, deal with the consequences of procreating, and take the little ankle biters to see Mickey.